I’ve been active on the forums at Collarme.com for a few days now, playing the games and joining in with the odd conversation or two. Now and again, you’ll find some people who really do believe their own hype, who act the “Big I-am”. I’m sure we all know some like that.

This is a record of an email exchange I had with one particular person who had for some reason decided he didn’t like me. I’d been following a conversation about whether or not Total Power Exchange slaves who stated they had “no limits” really had limits or not. My contribution was to tell the story of my relationship and I hoped that it would add to the discussion.

Shortly after I posted our story, this person left a rather insulting statement saying that anyone who didn’t have limits was mentally unsound.

I replied to him, pointing out that nobody at that point had mentioned that they had no limits and that the point he was making was irrelevant to the discussion.

He took this a little personally and laid into me. Well, things progressed and by the end of the conversation, he began lamenting that no-one was agreeing with him, no-one was being literal enough for him to understand what they were saying and so on. He then started AGREEING with people who were saying the same as me.

So I emailed him, asking why he’d taken against me. He seemed an intelligent chap and I expected that in the privacy of a one-to-one environment he would be a little less likely to play to the crowd.

Here’s a copy of our conversation. Make your own judgements on what happened next…

ME:

What’s you problem? I speak plainly and literally in the forum thread and you accuse me of insulting you and you’re relentlessly condescending to me. But then you’re lamenting how people don’t admit they have limits and that they don’t speak plainly enough, even though that’s what I’ve been doing all along. When other people say the same as me, you agree with them, so I can’t help wondering what button I pressed.

To be honest, I’m glad I did press a button because it’s been a source of great amusement all day to watch you getting more insulting, then resort to pathetic one-liners that just scream “I’ve lost my way and I’m trying to save face”

I’d like to believe you’re just haivng a bad day, but from your profile, I’d say you’re an unrepentant egotist. Each to their own. Just thought I’d give you the opportunity to take the mudslinging off the board.

HIM:

Ummm… yeah… and you’re the one writing to rant to me?? Dude, you have a problem (maybe a few).

ME:

Not really, just didn’t want to clutter the board up anymore. I believe it’s popular behaviour to email people off-board sometimes. Wouldn’t know, I don’t use much of the functionality of the site.

I just found it amusing that my bluntness seemed to annoy you, yet you end by lamenting that people aren’t straightforward enough.

Didn’t think I was ranting. Just speaking plainly in wondering what your problem is with what I’ve written.

HIM:

Dude, you’re obviously feeling inferior (hence the name calling and private email).? Not sure why, since you’re obviously an intelligent fellow and shouldn’t feel that way at all.

But you could certainly use an anger management course.? If you behave offline as you do online, or in private emails, you’d be friendless (and perhaps you are).

Best of luck with those issues.

ME:

I don’t recall calling you names. I had issues with what you said, but that’s miles from me calling you asshole or something.

So I take it you’re taking my opinion of your opinion personally?

If anything, I’d say that is a sign of some failing in yourself. If I took criticism of my written words that seriously, I’d be a wreck by now.

As it happens, I’m perfectly calm, standing here at the kitchen PC, making dinner for my kids and exchanging emails with someone who seems vulnerable enough to mindfuck. I’m fine thanks, how are you?

HIM:

Evidently I’m a bit finer, given that I don’t feel the compelling need to repeatedly email people to rant and complain.? I was surprised that you would do so in the first place, a bit annoyed that you would do so a second time, and downright saddened for you that you would do so a third time.

“Pathetic” is certainly not beyond your reach.

ME:

Far be it from me to disappoint. Thank you for admitting I annoyed you. That pleased me no end!

Amusingly, you reply, but don’t address anything I actually say.

I’d be fascinated by your definition of “rant” and “complain”.

I’d also be interested in your reaction to finding out I’m simply messing around whilst bored.

HIM:

No, you certainly can be counted on not to disappoint.? Congratulations, you’ve achieved “pathetic” and are closing in on “obsessed”.

I’ve already emailed our conversations to most of the people I know… this kind of entertainment at your expense simply demands to be shared.? I’m sure you must be proud to know that you’re a clown on both sides of the Atlantic.? And to think your parents thought you’d never amount to anything.

Please, do not stop now you’re on a roll.

ME:

You label me with derogatory names, yet you still reply…

Any psychologists in your mailing list? The term “transferrence” may be interesting.

Oh, and anyone reading this: feel free to contact me yourself at sir.fitznicely@googlemail.com

HIM:

Believe me, Fitz… you are no ordinary fool.? Rarely does one encounter someone, such as yourself, so singleminded in their quest to become a fool of unsurpassable proportions.

You’ve now conquered “obsessed” and are approaching parody of obsession.? Are there no limits to your insecurities, your fixation, your self-deprecation, your… no, of course not… you have no limits.? In the land of village idiots, you are an imbecile without compare.

And? evidently you have a? deep masochistic streak, as you will undoubtedly continue this macabre theater of your humiliation.

ME:

And yet, you still reply…

HIM:

Ah, and you cut me to the quick with your rapier wit.

Fitz, dear fellow… you write to me unsolicited.? It would be painfully impolite of me not to reply.? I can understand why, having dug yourself a rather substantial hole, you might care to stop digging.? However, that will not prevent the rest of us from peering over the side and pissing on you.

You’re an empty shirt with a university vocabulary, and exposed for being a pathetic loser, having made yourself into an object of ridicule and humiliation.

On the other hand, humiliating you is far more entertaining than the garbage they put on the tele these days.? Please, do continue.

ME:

I’m not the middle aged guy reduced to online dating, or replying to a bunch of “Lorem ipsum” filler with belligerence.

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HIM:

Good idea, Fitz.? Perhaps the idiocy that drips from your mouth like so much drool will sound more intelligent in another language.? Or not.

ME:

Man, I can just stick anything in here and you’ll just toddle off another belligerent platitude.

Wriggle on my hook, little man.

HIM:

You are nothing if not tenacious, Fitz.? But then, you enjoy being humiliated and laughed at, that much is obvious.? And frankly, you’ve become quite adept at it.? You prattle on and on, always coming back for more.

Do you make yourself the target of ridicule with other people as well, or am I the only one you bless by writing (repeatedly)?? You must not have much free time if you do this very often.? About as much as? your? miniscule self-respect.

You’re a credit to clowns, idiots and fools everywhere.? Does this come naturally to you, or is it the culmination of years of study and practice?

ME:

Or maybe I’m playing with your compulsive desire to outdo me. This is fun. Can I now say that I’ve made you my biyatch?

Have a poem:

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought –
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

“And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

HIM:

Yes, it’s a brilliant plan you have, Fitz.? Write to me out of the clear blue to whine and complain in order to make me your biyatch.? Diabolical in it’s simplicity… how did I not see it before?

And playing the part of imbecile is incredibly clever.? Who would have guessed that it’s all just an act to lure us in?? And then, just when we are all certain of your status as town fool, you’ll jump out to reveal yourself as…. ummmm…. errrrr…? village idiot?

ME:

If you’d a) noticed that I neither ranted or insulted you or b) tried having a civilised discussion with me, this would all be over by now.

You chose to play this game of “having the last word” and emailing content that has nothing to do with the previous message.

Have another poem:

Hey, diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

HIM:

Yes, you’re right!!!? I have to have the last word and that’s why you keep emailing me.? Of course, it’s all as clear as mud.? You’re not nearly the moron I took you for (well, you couldn’t be and still be able to type).

You are a paragon of virtue, and never a saner man has lived (*gack*… I think I have a hairball).? Why any less of a man would have given up long ago and admitted utter humiliation and defeat.? But not you, no, not you.? You will redefine what it means to be humiliated and defeated.

You are a rock.

ME:

OK, explain why you haven’t blocked me, why you reply to each and every piece of crap I send you. I don’t feel humiliated at all. I feel amused and entertained. Perhaps you should look “humiliation” up in the dictionary. Perhaps I should post this conversation up somewhere to see who comes out best in the general public’s opinion. Or you could make my humiliation oh so much more acute and do it yourself.

HIM:

Hey, there’s Fitz again!!!? Imagine that.? Now why would I block you when I’m enjoying pissing on you in that great big hole you’ve dug?

As for posting this publicly, they don’t allow it.? ? But I can tell you that the general public is already laughing at you quite heartily, and you know it.? Heck, you contacted me privately because I got the better of you in the public conversations, so you’re well aware of your limitations.

Since you enjoy being the center of attention so much, perhaps you’d consider being the pivot man for a circle jerk.? Not that it would humiliate you any more than you are already, but the photos would be a welcome addition (a picture is worth a thousand words).

I would encourage you to continue, but we both know that it’s not necessary.? Your obsession is your pathos.

ME:

Well, I certainly have your attention! Who else is hanging on my every word? do tell!

You seriosuly think you got the better of me? You, who ended up saying not much more than “well, whatever” and wandering off? man, that’s some ego you got there!

HIM:

Fitzy!!!? Ah, the prodigal childish clown… toast of both sides of the pond.? You really are? a stunningly persistent little malady, now aren’t you.? Some pain sluts can really test a Top’s mettle, seeming to take all that they can dish out.? And you, my friend, are in the upper ten, maybe five, percent.

I have no doubt that your local community delights in laughing at you directly, rather than via the faceless internet.? Lucky lads they are indeed.? It’s a rareity these days to find a good imbecile, particularly one that displays your persistence.? I hope the lads appreciate you as much as we do, and display their appreciation in no uncertain terms.

You are a world class idiot, Fitzy.? Wear that badge proudly.

ME:

LOL. This is a childish game, isn’t it? But then I do subscribe to the scientists little adage that you should look at things with the eyes of a child sometimes. It’s very refreshing. Who’s the painslut here? You’re encouraging me to carry on by carrying on replying. Obviously you’re enjoying this little tit-for-tat.

Oh, as you rate me so highly, I should perhaps let you know that you’re not even registering on my radar, biyatch.

HIM:

Fitzy!!!!? ? Yes, of course I’m enjoying this (amongst other things, I’m a Sadist and rather well regarded locally for my humiliation scenes).? And while I don’t “rate” on your radar (a statement clearly disputed by your actions), you are at the top of the pile for me.?

So please, don’t stop writing.? Don’t stop making an enormous fool of yourself.? Don’t stop providing me with endless entertainment.? Don’t stop being a glorious outlet for humiliation and degredation.? Don’t stop obsessing.

And Fitz?? Don’t stop letting it get under your skin.?

ME:

you do realise that if you dont’ reply to me, I don’t reply to you.

HIM:

Fitzy!!!? Of course I realize that.? Fact is, I realized that I’ve been in control of this at every turn.? You wrote me (privately and unsolicited) to rant and rave after suffering what you perceived to be a public humiliation.? I could have ignored it or blocked you.? I could have chosen not to respond to each and every of your emails.

But the fact is that I enjoy humiliating you.? Why would I deny myself the pleasure of doing so, repeatedly?? ? I have no intention of stopping, or of ceasing to remind you of your intellectual shortcomings.? I also recognize that you’re incapable of taking control yourself (you’ve admitted as much, and given that control to me).

You’re pathetic, Fitz.? A submissive playing house as a Dominant.? At least you know your place.

ME:

Ok, you’ve finally lost touch with reality. Seriously, I win. Know why I win?

HIM:

Silence